tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15111452077049976812024-03-05T16:21:25.612-08:00Did I Sign Up for This?Our journey to acceptanceKristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14397878991075999602noreply@blogger.comBlogger42125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1511145207704997681.post-47195405585043866882011-11-22T16:59:00.001-08:002011-11-22T17:02:26.002-08:00Valuable Lessons<div style="line-height: 0px; padding-bottom: 2px; text-align: center;">
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Sorry for the long delay in posting. We have been dealing with some
issues with Steve's long term disability insurance which resulted in
our need to move, request assistance from family, a state representative
and the state department of insurance, and basically have a daily panic
attack for almost a month. During that period I did not feel like I
should be discussing the issues in a public forum. Especially since my
thoughts were entirely negative.<br />
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Things have been resolved
and Steve has finally been approved for long term disability. Through
the process we have learned some valuable lessons.<br />
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<b>Our families love us</b></div>
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Yes,
we knew we were loved before this but their love was tangible during
the last month. Without their financial assistance we would have never
made it. But, what was even more amazing, was the sheer number of people
who were willing to help us move with less than a week's notice,
through a freak snow storm. I am afraid I will never be able to repay
their kindness. The great thing about families is they don't expect to
be repaid. But, I have made a personal vow to drop everything to help
family, regardless of how short the notice.<br />
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<b>Public agencies do help if you get to the right person</b><br />
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Steve
spent hours on the phone trying to get us help when we needed it. He
quickly found that the first person he spoke to did not always have the
authority to get things done. He had to speak to supervisors of
supervisors until he found a person who could help. In one instance he
had to call in a third party. Thankfully, all of the work he put in paid
off in the end. I believe they make it hard on purpose in order to
determine if you have a legitimate need.<br />
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<b>Patience is truly a virtue</b><br />
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One
of the hardest lessons I had to learn, was simply to be patient. I
always want things to happen yesterday. When it comes to insurance
companies and state agencies, that's not how they work. Ever. I spent a
considerable amount of time on my knees asking God to give me the
patience to wait for the answers.<br />
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It is hard to see the
light at the end of the tunnel when the flood gates open and you believe
you are drowning. I learned in the last month that God does hear your
prayers. He just moves at his own pace, not mine. It was not an easy
lesson to learn, believe me.<br />
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Now that things
have calmed down, I can get back to the things that are truly important,
like getting our house organized and getting ready for the holidays. </div>
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What lessons have you learned recently?Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14397878991075999602noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1511145207704997681.post-40926932956667468002011-10-31T18:16:00.000-07:002011-10-31T18:16:14.852-07:00We Moved our HouseholdSorry for the disappearance there. Due to some major payment problems with Steve's disability insurance, we have had to move into a smaller, cheaper house.<br />
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I had exactly one week in which to pack and move. There was no time to breathe, sleep or blog.<br />
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I have a lot to say. It will have to wait until tomorrow, though. Tonight I need sleep and to simply calm down.Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14397878991075999602noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1511145207704997681.post-71479572487079808582011-10-18T19:57:00.000-07:002011-10-18T19:57:27.952-07:00Loss of PrideSteve has been talking about how much of a hit his pride has taken lately. Asking for help is one of the hardest things for him to do. He would rather suffer than ask someone other than me to help him.<br />
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I don't really understand this. In my way of thinking, he didn't ask to be disabled. He just is. If he needs extra help, he should ask. I'm beginning to think that its a gender difference.<br />
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Steve is the old fashioned sort. The kind of man that thinks the man should be the primary wage earner and prides himself on being able to fix just about anything. The fact that he can no longer work weighs on him like a ton of bricks.<br />
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I know that most disabled individuals deal with loss of pride. It is incredibly difficult to ask someone to help with basic personal care tasks. If your self worth is based on being able to do something you can no longer do -- change the car's oil, fix a computer, go to work every day -- the loss can be devastating.<br />
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I have learned over the last few years to be discrete, even sneaky, about how I help him. I also do a lot of his asking for him. For example, I ask his brother to "help" change the oil in the car. I also ask Steve to show me how to fix something then say I better do it so I can learn better.<br />
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I also give him gentle reminders that he has a lot to be proud of, even if he can no longer perform some functions. He's a great Dad and I remind him that if he was still working he would not get to spend as much time with his kids.<br />
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I know I'm not fooling him. That's not the point. I just want him to remember that his self worth is not based on his job or the ability to put on his shoes. No one's is.<br />
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It will take some time for him to get over how he feels. He was just learning to manage his bipolar disorder before this all happened. As he put it "he finally felt like he could look in the mirror and like what he saw." Now, he is having problems with that mirror again.<br />
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It's hard to stand by and let him figure it out. I want to shake him and say "it's all in your head!" But, I have to let him process it on his own. He will figure it out. I think it is part of the grieving process. He's grieving for his old life.Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14397878991075999602noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1511145207704997681.post-84961754802411577712011-10-17T18:39:00.000-07:002011-10-17T18:39:36.370-07:00The ExplanationSteve and I have an extremely unconventional family. Between the two of us we have five kids between the ages of 23 years and 18 months. This past weekend, our eldest -- the 23 year old -- and his family came to visit. He is active military and this is the first time in two years that he's been able to visit. His Dad has had two surgeries since his last visit. There was a lot of catching up to do. Including filling him in on his Dad's prognosis.<br />
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One thing I have become good at over the last three years is explaining Steve's situation. Steve doesn't like to talk about it and really hates to sound like he's complaining or whining. So, I have taken on the roll of "explainer".<br />
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It was hard for my stepson to see his Dad in obvious pain. Like everyone else, he wanted to help, but didn't know how to offer without offending his Dad. (Not that he would have, but until you've been around Steve for awhile, you don't know that.) He was also understandably worried.<br />
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He had gotten some wrong information along the way. Stuff like that happens. We didn't want to worry him, so we really didn't mention it when we talked to him on the phone. Other people like to spread gossip, such as his Dad lost his license rather than he simply no longer drives due to his pain levels. Same outcome, different subcontext.<br />
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I'm glad I had the chance to talk to him. Part of me wishes I would have explained things sooner, but I still stand by my decision. Explaining the situation while our stepson was in a combat zone just didn't seem appropriate. There was nothing life threatening and it could wait.<br />
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I'm also glad I got the conversation over with during their first night here. It saved a lot of awkward moments. Father and son had an excellent time and there was no white elephant in the room. We all had a wonderful time and the weekend was a smashing success.<br />
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Now we just have to figure out how we can return the visit. I'm not sure they make a large enough pain killer for Steve to survive a 1600 mile trip!<br />
<br />Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14397878991075999602noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1511145207704997681.post-27923390455298970952011-10-06T20:44:00.000-07:002011-10-06T20:44:54.971-07:00Preparing for GuestsMy stepson and his family are visiting next weekend. I can't wait. We have not seen them in over a year as he was deployed over seas and his wife and kids were on base, half the country away. <br />
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Since we have not seen them in such a long time, we are in "heavy cleaning" mode around here. Is that weird? We clean whenever anybody visits, but for this visit we are purchasing new sheets, area rugs and even a new tv. These are all things we needed anyway, but we made a priority to get them for this visit.<br />
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I try not to put too much thought into it, I'm just happy the cleaning is getting done. But, I think we are doing it because we want everything to look as nice as possible and we want the visit to go smoothly. Steve knows me and knows that I will fret over things like a stained rug and old sheets.<br />
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I've always been a "the house has to be clean" type of person. In therapy the other day, I questioned whether I am borderline OCD. My therapist says its not OCD unless it interferes with my life. Since, normally, I prefer a clean, organized house, but am willing to let things slide for the sake of time with my family or work deadlines, I think I'm ok. <br />
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However, when it comes to visitors I become a mess. I stress for weeks over things like cobwebs in the corners, shampooed rugs and perfectly organized closets. Don't even get me started on the garage!<br />
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I get this way when we go away, too. I hate to come home to a messy house and I have a real fear of something happening while on vacation that would cause someone to have to enter our home. What is weird is the only people that would come in during an emergency would not really care if there are toys on the floor or laundry on the bed. They would be more worried about dealing with the emergency.<br />
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Anyway, with that being said, please excuse any erratic posting next week. I will be focusing on cleaning behind the refrigerator and stove. I'm just going to accept that this is my week to do my "fall cleaning" and leave it at that. <br />
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Do you do an all out cleaning when guests are expected? Should I put mints on the pillow?Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14397878991075999602noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1511145207704997681.post-57331336709539359002011-10-04T19:42:00.000-07:002011-10-04T19:42:51.182-07:00Write Down Your Family's Goals<div style="line-height: 0px; padding-bottom: 2px; text-align: center;"><a href="http://pinterest.com/pin/205163283/" target="_blank"><img border="0" height="undefined" src="http://d30opm7hsgivgh.cloudfront.net/upload/205163283_kPPDZaXo_c.jpg" width="undefined" /> </a><br />
</div><div style="float: left; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><div style="color: #76838b; font-size: 10px;">Source: <a href="http://unattainableunicorns.tumblr.com/post/7528728528" style="color: #76838b; font-size: 10px; text-decoration: underline;">unattainableunicorns.tumblr.com</a> via <a href="http://pinterest.com/purple_cath/" style="color: #76838b; font-size: 10px; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank">purple</a> on <a href="http://pinterest.com/" style="color: #76838b; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank">Pinterest</a></div></div><br />
When a member of your family becomes disabled, life all of a sudden becomes all about them for awhile. Plans and goals are placed on hold while everyone learns to adapt to the new situation. It is so easy to just walk away from your goals and lament the fact that you never get anywhere in life. <br />
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I have become a firm believer in writing down my goals, both personal and for my family. This is different from my daily to do list. It is a list of the things I am working toward. My daily to do list is an extension of my goal list.<br />
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Steve and I have regular discussions about our goals. These are not formal "sit down" discussions. They are more discussions that happen in the car or while we are hanging out on our deck. They include replenishing our savings, buying a home, replacing our car and becoming better organized. Whenever we add to our goals as a family, I add it to my family goal list.<br />
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When I am creating my to do list and Steve's "honey do" list, I try to ask "How is this working toward our goals?" <br />
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I also try to have a single goal as the "main" goal. For example, we have decided that becoming more organized will help us reach our other goals. So, my to do lists focus on becoming more organized.<br />
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Having a written list of goals keeps us accountable as a family. I use <a href="http://www.rememberthemilk.com">Remember the Milk</a> as for my list making app and my goal list is shared with Steve. That way we both have a visual clue as to where we are going as a family. We revisit our goals regularly (usually while driving or chatting on the deck) and make modifications as needed.<br />
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Do you have goals as a family? Do you have them written down?Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14397878991075999602noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1511145207704997681.post-29465468889832476732011-10-04T09:00:00.000-07:002011-10-04T09:00:08.337-07:00Fear of Success<div style="line-height: 0px; padding-bottom: 2px; text-align: center;"><a href="http://pinterest.com/pin/204764854/" target="_blank"><img border="0" height="301" src="http://d30opm7hsgivgh.cloudfront.net/upload/204764854_41C18sUK_c.jpg" width="250" /></a></div><div style="float: left; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><div style="color: #76838b; font-size: 10px;">Source: <a href="http://pinterest.com/pin/181791726/" style="color: #76838b; font-size: 10px; text-decoration: underline;">pinterest.com</a> via <a href="http://pinterest.com/shollstegge/" style="color: #76838b; font-size: 10px; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank">Sandy</a> on <a href="http://pinterest.com/" style="color: #76838b; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank">Pinterest</a></div></div><br />
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The other side of the <a href="http://changingmyoutlook.blogspot.com/2011/10/fear-of-failure.html">fear of failure </a>is the fear of success. I battle this fear, too. I often find myself taking jobs that do not pay me what I'm worth and then I stagnate in these jobs.<br />
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I am often to afraid to go after the jobs that I know I can do and that would pay me well. My thought process goes something like this:<br />
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<blockquote>"Just call them up. What's the worst that can happen?"<br />
"Well, what if I'm not good enough?"<br />
"You know you're good enough, stop it."<br />
"Well, what if the job takes too much time?"<br />
"So, what? You work for a living, it's supposed to take time."<br />
"Well, I just don't think I'm ready. I'll take this other job that pays a lot less, for now."</blockquote><br />
This whole conversation is held within my own head. And I walk away. I tell myself I will give myself another month, six months, year to get ready. But that time comes and goes and I'm still taking jobs beneath my abilities. And I get frustrated with my lack of advancement.<br />
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I'm not afraid of being rejected. Writers get rejected all of the time. I am afraid of what success means. Would it take more time from my family? Can I manage the additional stress? Am I worth it?<br />
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The funny thing is, I know that none of my fears are founded. Just because a project pays more money doesn't mean it will take more time. It will just expand my horizons. The lower paying projects usually end up taking more time than the higher paying projects simply because I have to do more lower paying projects to make the same amount of money.<br />
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This week I have made a goal to apply for at least one higher paying project. If I don't get it, oh well. I'm no worse off. But, being afraid to even try will hurt me more than being rejected.<br />
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Are you afraid of success? How do you overcome it?Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14397878991075999602noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1511145207704997681.post-85607251681278205852011-10-03T09:00:00.000-07:002011-10-03T09:00:04.662-07:00Fear of Failure<div style="line-height: 0px; padding-bottom: 2px; text-align: center;"><br />
<a href="http://pinterest.com/pin/215980947/" target="_blank"><img border="0" height="399" src="http://d30opm7hsgivgh.cloudfront.net/upload/215980947_49Q0eQx6_c.jpg" width="500" /></a></div><div style="float: left; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><div style="color: #76838b; font-size: 10px;">Source: <a href="http://www.wenkewho.com/tumblr/" style="color: #76838b; font-size: 10px; text-decoration: underline;">wenkewho.com</a> via <a href="http://pinterest.com/erickvantil/" style="color: #76838b; font-size: 10px; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank">Erick</a> on <a href="http://pinterest.com/" style="color: #76838b; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank">Pinterest</a></div></div><br />
I'm not sure if I should call it "Fear of Failure" or "Fear of Success." Either way, I tend to experience overwhelming fear and anxiety when I branch out from my norm. I want a safety net below me and a full set of safety pads on.<br />
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Lately, I have been very frustrated with the direction (or lack thereof) my life is going in. I'm too old to wait around anymore. If I'm going to live the life I want, I have to make some changes. The changes that revolve around Steve are not going to cut it. I have to change the way I look at <i>my</i> life.<br />
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I realized that, especially in my career, fear is ruling me. I make bad choices because I don't have confidence in myself. I tend to wait for someone to tell me what to do. Even though I am well aware, that when you are your own boss, the only person telling you what to do is you.<br />
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The past week really drove that point home. I had a client that was a huge drain on my resources and was actually costing me money. But, because I somehow (in my own head) made it my fault that the relationship was doomed from the start, I continued to do the work and lose money. I just simply didn't want to fail.<br />
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The whole mess kept me from enjoying my family, working with my other clients and was taking a toll on my health. When I finally ended the relationship, the relief was incredible. The fact of the matter is, there was nothing wrong with me or the client. We were simply not a good fit. I know that happens, and it is ok. <br />
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It is perfectly ok to walk away from situations that cause you stress whether it is a business relationship or personal relationship. It is not a failure, it is a way to grow. Hanging on to a bad situation takes time away from the good relationships and opportunities.<br />
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My fear of failing was truly holding me back. In my head, ending a business relationship was somehow failing. It was only after I reminded myself that every time I started a new job, I had to end the old one, and that the reason people leave jobs is often because the fit is just wrong, that I could do what needed to be done. <br />
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Another, problem I have is accepting my true worth. That would be the "fear of success" factor which I will discuss tomorrow.<br />
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Do you have a fear of failure? How do you overcome it?Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14397878991075999602noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1511145207704997681.post-51437227581795162822011-09-29T20:19:00.000-07:002011-09-29T20:20:04.113-07:00Simplifying Life with Easy Dinners<div style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/bQPO2weFmBDY-0IkPAxYiw?feat=embedwebsite"><img height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3xh1HyAfAUuwKEOeOjS_7OL3liPdP2judXENJ1ogb-cc0xla3sk12_gFp_USlLaCfiX-Hy0UIi1X5nYqrjXlzrvBG_OYkQN4M7i5w-71GuHWE1K9UgADAGNABsavhBXQYHowspriJOJU/s400/IMAG0495.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
I love to cook, but there are days when my projects are running long and cooking a meal is the last thing I want to do. When we switched roles, Steve took on the task of cooking dinner but, more often that not, it was either a simple, not so healthy meal (think meal in a bag), or I ended up doing it anyway.<br />
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After months of this, I started looking for other options. I read somewhere of a busy mom who cooks her dinners early in the day and then warms it up at dinner time. I ran that by Steve, and he thought that would work. <br />
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We tried it this week and it worked wonderfully. I prep the meal the night before and place it in the refrigerator with instructions on how to assemble the meal. If its really easy and quick, he finishes it up right before we sit down to eat. Otherwise he cooks the meal earlier in the day and does a quick microwave right before we eat.<br />
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One of the foods this really worked well on was the chicken potpie pictured above. Since I used leftover chicken and potatoes, all that I needed to do was cut up some of the veggies and pop everything in a freezer bag. Using a store bought pie crust, he assembled everything and cooked it in the early afternoon. When it was time to eat, we popped it in the oven for about 15 minutes to warm it up and placed it on the table. It turned out so incredibly yummy!<br />
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This weekend I am going to try some freezer meals to see if it saves even more time. I will let you know how it goes. I'm looking forward to an even easier dinner schedule next week.Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14397878991075999602noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1511145207704997681.post-41533377109693409642011-09-27T20:01:00.000-07:002011-09-27T20:01:26.573-07:00I can do anything...<div style="line-height: 0px; padding-bottom: 2px; text-align: center;"><a href="http://pinterest.com/pin/246936811/" target="_blank"><img 450'="" border="0" src="http://d30opm7hsgivgh.cloudfront.net/upload/246936811_oZPysunF_c.jpg" width="450 height =" /></a></div><div style="float: left; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><div style="color: #76838b; font-size: 10px;">Source: <a href="http://francephotography.com/blog/you-can-do-anything/" style="color: #76838b; font-size: 10px; text-decoration: underline;">francephotography.com</a> via <a href="http://pinterest.com/kristenwaters/" style="color: #76838b; font-size: 10px; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank">Kristen</a> on <a href="http://pinterest.com/" style="color: #76838b; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank">Pinterest</a></div></div><br />
I am a firm believer in "signs from the Universe" (Or God, depending on your beliefs). If I am hit over the head with something repeatedly I take notice. Now, I say repeatedly because sometimes the Universe has to make it painfully obvious that I am getting a sign. Considering I have seen the quote above about 100 times, in rather obscure places, over the last few days, I am taking it as a sign and making it my new mantra. I even printed it out and put it above my desk.<br />
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I have always been a believer of doing "everything". I have tried every craft and almost all of the jobs that I have been interested in. I have degrees in both Psychology and Computer Science. My minors included Philosophy, World Religions and Technical Writing. I just want to do it ALL! Unfortunately, that makes me a "jack of all trades, master of none."<br />
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As I get older, I have realized that I have to settle down if I want to actually <i>do</i> something with my life. Steve's surgeries has made that even more clear. On a typical day presurgery, I would have about 20 things on my to do list. Each one of them set to priority 1. After Steve's surgeries I became pretty upset that I couldn't get to even half of my list.<br />
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Even as of last week, I had more on my to do list than there was time to do it. After being hit on the head by the Universe, I decided to sit down and decide what is important. I chose three areas of my life that I want to excel in -- my writing, organizing my household and my health -- then I made 10 goals for the week. <br />
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Now, as I drink my coffee in the morning, I review my weekly goals and look at my to do list. If the list item fits with my goals, I set it to priority 1. Otherwise, it gets a 2 or a 3. Then I get to work on my priority 1 tasks. If I get them done, I go on to priority 2 tasks, and so on. Eventually, I am going to have to decide if the priority 3 tasks should even be on the list, but I'm not ready for that yet. <br />
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So, do you have a mantra or motto? If so, what is it?Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14397878991075999602noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1511145207704997681.post-74967910183906343472011-09-26T18:44:00.000-07:002011-09-26T18:44:18.541-07:00Shortcuts to Make Life EasierAs Steve and I begin to feel our way through this new life, we have come to realize there are some changes that are necessary for us. I have already discussed our <a href="http://changingmyoutlook.blogspot.com/2011/08/role-change-and-acceptance.html">role changes</a>, but we need more than that. <br />
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We have always kind of lived by the seat of our pants. We went to work, ate dinner and then did what we felt like. There was really no structure or rhythm to our days. We both had our personal schedules but, more often than not, they did not sync with the other person's. So, whoever was more adamant about his or her schedule won.<br />
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With Steve not driving and not being able to do a lot of the "heavy lifting" around the house, a more structured day is necessary. At first, we attempted to just switch schedules. I gave Steve my chore schedule and told him when laundry needed to be done. For my part, I tried to fit my work day in his 9-5 schedule. That bombed almost immediately, and we went back to relatively unstructured days. Everything suffered.<br />
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Yesterday, Steve planned a two hour trip without really consulting me. Oh, he told me about it, but it was more a "I may plan this trip" kind of conversation and it was never brought up again. Imagine my surprise when, on the way home from church, he said. "So, if we leave at 3, we should be home at a reasonable time." My day was completely shot.<br />
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One good thing came out of the trip -- we had two hours of uninterrupted (well, as uninterrupted as you can get with two kids in the car) time to talk. And, we were both in the mood to talk, not argue. As we talked, I brought up some of the time management skills I have learned by reading sites like <a href="http://lifeasmom.com/">Life As Mom </a>and <a href="http://moneysavingmom.com/">Money Saving Mom</a>.<br />
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I mentioned the idea of running our household like a business. This is something I try to do anyway, with my budget and household "notebook", but I've never included Steve in the "business". He laughed initially, but then he thought about it and we decided to try it out.<br />
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We decided that we would sit down on Sunday nights or Monday mornings, at the latest and have a meeting. We would discuss what appointments we had personal goals for the coming week. That way we could determine how to get the time to fit everything in. We also quickly decided that there would be no more "unplanned" adventures. Little things could get added here or there through the week, but large trips, purchases and time sucks would have to wait until the following week.<br />
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We also decided to implement a morning and night routine. We already had one in place, somewhat, when it came to getting the kids ready for school in the morning and bed at night, but it was still slightly chaotic. In the evening, all of the dishes are done, the kids get baths and all morning necessities including clothing, lunches and any money needed are assembled. In the mornings, Steve and I wake up in time to have a cup of coffee without the kids and then the kids are dressed and taken to school.<br />
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We put most of it into practice today, and things went well. I got a little upset because I couldn't find some stuff this morning, but that's another aspect of "Operation Household". Tonight, the house is neat, everyone is calm and things are ready for the morning. Steve is even sound asleep. Something that doesn't usually happen to the wee hours of the morning.<br />
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I'll let you know how we hold up. How do you manage your time? Any special tips?Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14397878991075999602noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1511145207704997681.post-56748682573940552752011-09-22T17:30:00.000-07:002011-09-22T17:30:55.657-07:00Negative Thinking<div style="line-height: 0px; padding-bottom: 2px; text-align: center;"><a href="http://pinterest.com/pin/224382193/" target="_blank"><img 700'="" border="0" src="http://d30opm7hsgivgh.cloudfront.net/upload/224382193_wqutLnv6_c.jpg" width="495 height =" /></a></div><div style="float: left; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><div style="color: #76838b; font-size: 10px;">Source: <a href="http://www.tumblr.com/dashboard/2/10406526861" style="color: #76838b; font-size: 10px; text-decoration: underline;">tumblr.com</a> via <a href="http://pinterest.com/kristenwaters/" style="color: #76838b; font-size: 10px; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank">Kristen</a> on <a href="http://pinterest.com/" style="color: #76838b; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank">Pinterest</a></div></div><br />
Anyone with chronic pain knows negative thinking creeps in, especially during moments of intense pain. How is this a life? Am I ever going to get better? What has my life amounted to? These are common questions I hear from Steve and other chronic pain sufferers.<br />
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If left unchecked, the negative thinking can creep from the pain sufferer to everyone around him. It is an insidious process. You may not even realize that it is happening until you wake up one day and you realize every sentence in the conversation you just had with your loved one was tinged with negativity.<br />
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It is such a tough habit to break, too. It is harder to find the positive in a life of chronic pain than it is to find the negative. But, remember that the negative thinking does not just affect you and your loved one. If you have kids, they hear it, too. <br />
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One simple negative statement can do a lot of damage. Here's a little example. Due to the nature of my job, I spend an incredible amount of time sitting in front of a computer. Because I am working on increasing my client base, I am spending even more time staring at a screen. I know that, eventually, I will get back to my normal work schedule. However, Steve has begun to look at this in a negative light.<br />
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The other day when we were discussing my work schedule for the week, he made the comment "I hate the fact that you work so hard and have so little to show for it." He went on to complain about my work schedule and started to use my lack of time for him and the kids as a way to drive home his point. Before this conversation, I knew that the extra time I was spending was a sacrifice now, but would pay off in the long run.<br />
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After that conversation, I started questioning every minute that I spent working. It became a large source of anxiety. I found myself wondering if I even knew what I was doing and where I was going. One simple conversation could have derailed my entire career. It took almost a week for me to remember that I never questioned when he worked on a project at home because he wanted to excel at something. The black little thought wormed its way into my head and almost destroyed my confidence.<br />
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If you find yourself in the same situation, please get help for both you and your loved one. Counseling has helped Steve see how being negative is hurting him and us. You definitely do not want to spend 20 or 30 years with a born again pessimist. Life isn't worth it!Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14397878991075999602noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1511145207704997681.post-27790578862895165352011-09-20T19:05:00.000-07:002011-09-20T19:05:51.104-07:00Strength<div style="line-height: 0px; padding-bottom: 2px;"><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://pinterest.com/pin/218226205/" target="_blank"><img 827'="" border="0" src="http://d30opm7hsgivgh.cloudfront.net/upload/218226205_Vobj3TEV_c.jpg" width="553 height =" /></a></div></div><div style="float: left; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><div style="color: #76838b; font-size: 10px;">Source: <a href="http://www.fromupnorth.com/2011/01/inspiration-gallery-189-quotations/" style="color: #76838b; font-size: 10px; text-decoration: underline;">fromupnorth.com</a> via <a href="http://pinterest.com/kristenwaters/" style="color: #76838b; font-size: 10px; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank">Kristen</a> on <a href="http://pinterest.com/" style="color: #76838b; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank">Pinterest</a></div><div style="color: #76838b; font-size: 10px;"><br />
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I finally joined <a href="http://www.pinterest.com">Pinterest</a> after seeing everyone else's boards during my InterWeb travels. One of the first pins I came across is the print above. <br />
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As I mentioned yesterday, I am not feeling very strong right now. This print reminds me that even when I am feeling my absolute worst, I am still strong.<br />
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I have handled a newborn baby and toddler by myself while Steve was in the hospital. I drove 8 hours one way two weeks after giving birth to make sure Steve got the care he needed. I may not feel great right now, but I am still getting things done. When push comes to shove, I can stand on my own and fight.<br />
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I may not be feeling 100% now, but I will survive and I will be strong. It is the only choice I have.<br />
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What keeps you strong when you are feeling like the world kicked you in the teeth?Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14397878991075999602noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1511145207704997681.post-65495679053053387592011-09-19T18:14:00.000-07:002011-09-19T18:14:09.881-07:00When is it My Time?It has been three plus years where the focus of our daily lives, at least in regard to health issues, has been centered on Steve. Learning what he can and cannot do. Learning what the medicines do to him. Learning how the rest of our lives fit in and around his needs. <br />
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I would love to tell you that I calmly and compassionately accept that my life has been changed so dramatically. I would love to tell you that I happily place everyone else's needs before my own. But, that would be a lie. <br />
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For months at a time I go through my days finding joy in my children, taking care of everything, helping Steve when he needs it, ferrying people from one place to another. Then, the downhill slide starts. Everything starts to overwhelm me. I become angry at the fact that I haven't had a day "off" in months. I no longer find joy in the simple things. I start to wonder where has my life gone, and how do I get back on track?<br />
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I start finding myself praying for any kind of a break. Any kind of happiness. But, I know, deep down, that happiness won't show up When I'm this low. You have to be able to see past the darkness to see the happy side of things. All I can see is the darkness.<br />
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Usually, it only takes a few days of "pampering Mom" in order for it to lift. Sometimes, all it takes is a change of scenery or a really good cry. But, sometimes, it takes a few days to lift and I start to wonder if I will ever see the light again. I start to wonder about my worth and I start to question whether I can be replaced by a maid.<br />
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This weekend was one of the worst periods of darkness for me. I had just gotten over an bout of the flu, the house was a mess and I had not worked as much as I like. I was still exhausted and not feeling up to par. As luck would have it, it coincided with one of Steve's low periods. He was feeling bad mentally and not his normal supportive self. <br />
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I spent a lot of time in tears this weekend. With terrible dreams and thoughts. Luckily, Steve snapped out of his depression quickly and could help get me out of mine. I'm not at all worried about my mental health. I see a counselor and a doctor on a regular basis and both agree that this is typical of people in my situation.<br />
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It is hard to look at your life and see such a drastic change. It is hard to change your hopes and dreams to match the new reality. It's also incredibly hard to deal with these changes while raising two very active little boys. Any Mom worth her salt can tell you that being "on" for your kids all of the time is exhausting. I simply hit the proverbial wall.<br />
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After a couple days of "Mom pampering," things have started to look up again. I'm not one for "getting a manicure" or "window shopping". Those things exhaust me and, to be perfectly honest, end up pissing me off. I'm more a "lay in bed and read a good book" type of person. So that's what I did. <br />
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I'm not going to lie and say that all is sunshine and roses again. These episodes are useful in that they make me think about what is important to me. Not for the kids, not for Steve, but for me. They help me make the little changes that will keep my family on track. They also help me discover what is really going on in my head. The honesty of what comes out in an all out crying jag is both disconcerting and enlightening.<br />
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No, it's not sunshine and roses, but there is a little bit of blue in the sky and the rain clouds are lifting. That's all I can ask for.Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14397878991075999602noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1511145207704997681.post-83585821306604447642011-09-15T07:51:00.000-07:002011-09-15T07:51:38.405-07:00One Thing at a TimeI have always considered myself the queen of multitasking. I can't simply watch a movie, I have to knit, work on a scrapbook, or work while watching a movie. I am constantly doing 30 different things at one time. Lately, I have realized how completely non-productive that is.<br />
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I started to notice it while I was reading a book about organization (I can't remember which one now, but they all seem to say the same thing about multitasking). The theme reoccured while I was reading<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1593155824/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=hubpages0ed24-20&linkCode=as2&camp=217145&creative=399369&creativeASIN=1593155824">No Excuses!: The Power of Self-Discipline</a> by Brian Tracey. <br />
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The last couple of weeks I have been trying to monitor my work habits. I noticed that when I have multiple browsers, tabs and documents open, I am very slow. When I simply focus on a single task, I complete more work in a shorter amount of time. It seems so obvious, but I have always thought that by moving between tasks quickly, I was more productive and faster.<br />
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My illness of the last few days has really drove the "multitasking doesn't work" message home. When you can't think to begin with, trying to think about 10 things at once almost kills you. So, today when I woke up, I decided to tackle one item at a time.<br />
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While I was drinking my coffee, I decided what was the most important tasks for today. Then I looked at my schedule for today. I already knew that the kids were going to daycare late and that Steve has a therapy appointment this afternoon. So, I planned my day around him.<br />
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Surprisingly, I already have most of my household chores checked off for today. I even switched the kids seasonal clothes around. That was something that was on my to do list for this weekend. Now, I can focus on working during my work time.<br />
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Another thing I started today is writing down ideas and tasks that pop into my head at random times. I read somewhere (again, I don't remember where) that instead of acting on an item, you should write it down as soon as it pops into your head. When you write things down, you spend less time thinking about it and it takes up less "head room".<br />
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I'm hoping this new plan keeps me organized and more productive. How do you handle your tasks during a given day? Are you a "one thing at a time " person or a multitasker?Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14397878991075999602noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1511145207704997681.post-77284039162031246632011-09-14T11:53:00.000-07:002011-09-14T11:53:11.156-07:00Taking Care of YOUR HealthI have been thinking about this post for quite some time. My needs are the first thing to go when things get tough or I get busy. I cut myself short on sleep, my eating habits become absolutely deplorable, I stop journalling, knitting, and reading anything for fun. I will also go without my medication and vitamins, if we need the money for something else. I think many moms do the same thing. Our spouses and children come first always and we always think "There will be time for me later."<br />
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I have had recent conversations with my aunt and my therapist recently where I defended this view and both of them looked at me like I was an alien from the far reaches of outer space. I did concede to my Aunt that I believe God intercedes when I work too much by giving me a blinding migraine, but that even those only slow me down. Yes, I am the crazy lady with the lights dimmed, noise canceling headphones on, trying to squint through a migraine in order to read my email or Twitter feed.<br />
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Lately, with all of the fun of applying for Social Security Disability (Steve), starting school (the kids) and expanding my client base (me), my health and well being has seriously been neglected. I've been experiencing more headaches, my skin is terrible and I am almost constantly dehydrated. This hasn't been enough to slow me down, though.<br />
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So, I should not have been surprised when I got a full blown, all out flu on Sunday. Monday and Tuesday were spent mostly in bed. Today is the first day that I can actually think about sitting at my computer for more than five minutes. Actually, sitting with my laptop on the couch is all I feel up to today. If it wasn't for Steve and my mother in law, the kids would not eat and none of us would have clean underwear.<br />
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Did I learn my lesson? Kind of. As of now, I have vowed to get a doctor's appointment, eat better and spend some time exercising. Will it happen? I don't know. I hope so. I do see the need to take care of myself. A little bit of prevention each day -- taking my vitamins, eating better, exercising -- could have saved me from at least four days of down time. But, I still have the mentality that others come first. We shall see.<br />
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How do you take care of yourself?Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14397878991075999602noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1511145207704997681.post-18815001630025409512011-09-09T08:05:00.000-07:002011-09-09T08:22:36.712-07:00Tropical Storm Lee AftermathI am going off topic today. Yesterday and Wednesday our area of Pennsylvania was hit hard by Tropical Storm Lee. Here are some of the pictures of the devastation:<br />
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<a href="https://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/dat2lYQ0Yv3Ynk9wdAP_9w?feat=embedwebsite"><img height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5ECJV4DhMH0MSqeLe5FazmfiXTt7IIvB1gxKGTo9HfN_qiENY5eEaINquf2t4sCb3Wk_vRGgHNoFZl2xa0EPs6IuccMAZ5V0LWb9xl9j8SDJcar1HKjV7ZM4I0aBuLfuT8fHvY-mde1w/s640/Downloads.jpg" width="640" /></a><br />
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We were extremely fortunate that our house was not affected at all other than a small bit of sediment in our tap water. Couple of gallons of spring water and we were completely fixed up. My friends and neighbors are not as lucky. The clean up will take some time.<br />
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Fortunately, we live in a rural area. Everyone who could get out to help, did. Our volunteer firefighters worked tirelessly to pump the water out of basements, rescue stranded people and block off roads. That's what we do. We help where we can. As more and more people begin moving about, neighbors will help neighbors and friends and families will work together to clean up the mess.<br />
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That is probably the best part of living in a small town. I grew up in a small town, moved out to live in two major cities, and moved back. I know, without a doubt, that, if there was a problem, my friends and neighbors would be here in a heartbeat. Helping out. In the cities I've lived in, I didn't even know my neighbors.<br />
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This storm reminded me to be thankful for my neighbors, my firefighter friends, and my family. I am so glad we made the decision to move "back home."Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14397878991075999602noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1511145207704997681.post-60001319688323085512011-09-07T08:52:00.000-07:002011-09-07T08:52:18.041-07:00Cold Weather is Coming<span class="Apple-style-span">For most of my life I have thought of fall and winter as a large inconvenience. I have a mild case of </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Raynaud's_phenomenon">Raynaud's phenomenon</a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span">, so when the cold weather hits, I have a hard time keeping my feet and hands warm. Typing becomes problematic and I can often be found wearing fingerless gloves indoors. It's annoying, but not terrible.</span><br />
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For Steve, the colder weather is torture. He started wrapping up in a blanket in the evenings a month ago when the evening temperatures dropped below 70 degrees. With the onslaught of <a href="http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/09/07/us-weather-idUSTRE7863Q120110907">Tropical Storm Lee</a>, he has started wrapping in 4 or 5 blankets.<br />
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He wasn't always averse to cold temperatures. Until a few years ago, he would hunt in sub-freezing weather. He was always my heater when things got too cold for me. Since his activity has slowed so dramatically, the cold is unbearable.<br />
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Cold weather causes extreme pain for him. His muscles tense due to the shivering which exacerbates the pain. Short of keeping the house at a tropical 90 degrees, there is not much we can do for him. One of the reasons we chose this house when we moved was because it included a wood burning stove as the main source of heat. Steve can sit near the wood stove and warm up and the rest of us can hang out further away. But even he won't start a fire when its 60 degrees outside (thank God!).<br />
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Things get a bit interesting around here when Steve starts assuming the kids are as cold as he is. I have to remind him that the kids are typically running around and not sitting still all day. They don't need a long sleeve shirt and sweater unless they are going to be outside for any length of time. Otherwise, they are sweating and uncomfortable.<br />
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How's the weather where you are? Are you keeping warm and dry?<br />
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<br />Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14397878991075999602noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1511145207704997681.post-57035715506231924012011-09-06T11:19:00.000-07:002011-09-06T11:19:09.951-07:00Waking Up from Limbos. e. smith, the author of <a href="http://meloukhia.net/">this ain't livin'</a> wrote this lovely post about not <a href="http://meloukhia.net/2011/09/disabilitys_no_fairytale_stop_treating_disabled_people_like_sleeping_beauty.html">treating disabled individual's as if they are in limbo</a>. Limbo is a good way to explain the state the we have been in for the past year. We knew that Steve's pain would never get any better and that the "fixing" was complete, but we were at a loss as to how to proceed. So we stagnated.<br />
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Of course, we first tried to go back to "normal" life. But after a few weeks of Steve crying in his sleep because of the pain from sitting in a chair, in front of a computer monitor, all day and me watching his depression deepen and his anger increase, we knew that wouldn't work.<br />
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So, he went on short term disability (again), we moved closer to a more sympathetic doctor, then we entered limbo. Every day was exactly the same as the last. The pain lessened, but will never go completely away, his depression sort of "evened out" but he was still depressed. Day after day of lying on the couch loomed in front of him and he had absolutely no plan or even desire to change it.<br />
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I became depressed. I started questioning my life. Would ever have the man I fell in love with back? What would become of us? Was I doomed to be a single mother with the children's father lying right there? Could I handle that? Did I want that? What kind of life was this?<br />
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After a few months, his doctor and I convinced him to go to counseling. His first counselor tried to help him accept his limitations, but her viewpoint seemed to be that I should just "suck it up". This was his life now and, if he just accepted that fact, his depression would lift. It was ok to lie around all day doing little or nothing.<br />
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Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on your viewpoint), Steve is not a "do nothing" sort of guy. He's always had projects going. Sitting around watching movies doesn't work. Yeah, he liked that life for a little while (who wouldn't) but his depression still didn't lifted.<br />
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His new counselor is more proactive. She works with both of us to help us figure out our new life. Steve is still coming to accept his limitations, but he's back to working on his projects and helping out with the kids. Our roles have changed, but at least we are living.<br />
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It's going to be a long, hard road ahead. There is still a part of each of us that refuses to accept the change. I still want to be a "kept woman," whose only worry is whether the house is clean and the family is fed. Steve still wants to be the primary breadwinner. (I know, so 1950's, right?) But, that's not our life now. Instead of stagnating, we are living. Each doing our part to make our life better. Each day coming closer and closer to understanding and accepting our new life together.<br />
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<br />Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14397878991075999602noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1511145207704997681.post-89981733554566508212011-09-05T03:46:00.000-07:002011-09-05T04:22:43.298-07:00Am I Being Helpful or HurtfulAs I was floating around the Interwebs over the weekend, I came across the <a href="http://www.everydayhealth.com/blog/life-with-chronic-pain">Chronic Pain Blog</a> at <a href="http://www.everydayhealth.com/">Everyday Health</a>. As I do whenever I come across something interesting about Chronic Pain, I dropped everything and started reading.<br />
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When I read <a href="http://www.everydayhealth.com/blog/life-with-chronic-pain/the-public-you-versus-the-private-you-in-a-life-of-chronic-pain/">this post</a>, it made me stop and think about how I treat Steve and the "advice" I give him on a daily basis. Am I helping him or am I hurting him? Item seven in the article states:<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">Your public persona learns to listen politely while someone gives you their opinion about what you should and should not do. The private you knows you’ll do what you damn well like and just smiles knowingly. I’ve found one of the most misunderstood areas is exercise. “Are you sure you should climb that hill? Should you be doing that? Are you up for that?” There is this public idea that believes caring is shown by these inane phrases. We learn what we can do and what we can’t do. We also think privately, “Don’t tell me what I can’t do. Tell me what I can do or don’t tell me anything at all.” Those of us who live within this private club can share advice. We can. It’s different here in this private world and even then, we know each of us is an individual and our privacy and our individual decisions are respected.</span></blockquote>
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I ask him those kind of questions all of the time. I even go as far as to say "You're not going to do that, right?" when I feel strongly about something.<br />
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For example, we had family come to camp in our backyard this weekend. The temperatures have been hovering around 50 degrees the last week or so. Now, 50 degrees to me is pleasant sleeping weather. 50 degrees to Steve means thermal underwear, a jacket and a blanket, if he is going to spend any time sitting outside.<br />
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The guys were planning on sleeping in the tent that night. Before they got here I told Steve repeatedly, "I don't want you sleeping in that tent tonight." "You're planning on sleeping indoors, right?" etc., etc., I thought I was being helpful and concerned. Now I see that I was just being naggy.<br />
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In my own defense, there are some things he does to hide his pain from others that have very long term repercussions. One of them is not telling his friends and family that he can no longer do certain things such as handle colder weather, crawl under a car to change the oil, sit for long periods of time... So, when his family comes to visit, he does all a lot of things he's not supposed to, then he has to lie on the sofa for days.<br />
<br />So, what? Right? Well, when he has to lie on the sofa, I have to make up the work he would normally do. Which puts me behind on my deadlines and makes me tense. The tension results on a tense environment around the house and upsets the kids. Whereas, if he would have admitted his disability, this would have been avoided. He can still visit with his friends and family, just in a different way than before.<br />
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So, the question remains am I being helpful or hurtful? Am I being selfish when I try to stop him from doing something that will put him out of commission for days when it is something he loves doing? Should I just keep my mouth shut and deal with the extra work that comes my way? At what point is he being selfish in his pursuit of a short period of happiness? If you have any thoughts on the matter, please let me know!<br />
<br />Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14397878991075999602noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1511145207704997681.post-65973595539450188682011-08-31T17:03:00.000-07:002011-08-31T17:03:00.628-07:00Keep a JournalMy journal is my best friend these days. I started it a couple of months ago as a method of "self therapy." More than anything, it keeps me together when I feel like things are falling apart.<div><br />
</div><div>Since I'm a technophile, my journal is completely digital. I use <a href="http://rednotebook.sourceforge.net/">Red Notebook</a> for its calendar, search options and word cloud. Instead of flipping through pages, looking for something I wrote I don't know when, I can type a few words in the search box and voila..there's what I was trying to find out.</div><div><br />
</div><div>My journal helps me decide what to discuss with Steve, and what to keep to myself. For example, it helps me figure out if a bout of depression is a short term thing or if has been going on for some time. Often, bipolar individuals do not know when they are experiencing a depressive episode until they are deep within it. If it seems like things have been going on for some time, I can look back and see what I've written in my journal.</div><div><br />
</div><div>My journal keeps me on a positive track. I can always tell when I'm starting to become negative about things because my word cloud shows the negative words like "can't," "don't," "overwhelmed" and "sad" in great big letters. I don't edit my journal entries to make them happier, but I'm more aware of my thinking. Just that little visual reminder tells me that I should start focusing the things I'm grateful for, rather than the things that bring me down.</div><div><br />
</div><div>Finally, like all journals, it is a place where I can vent and scream and cry without anyone knowing about it. Sometimes, just writing about a situation is all I need to make it better. I don't have to be "perfect" or "upbeat" or even understanding. I just write what is inside of me. </div><div><br />
</div><div>I wake up early every morning specifically to write in my journal. I prefer the mornings because venting my anger and frustration early keeps me from having a bad day. It works the same when I write about what I'm grateful for. It's kind of hard to be cranky when you've just spent a half hour expressing gratitude for the sunrise.</div><div><br />
</div><div>If you don't have a journal, I highly recommend it. It can be as little as a <a href="http://www.happiness-project.com/happiness_project/2008/06/your-happiness.html">single sentence like the one Gretchen at The Happiness Project keeps.</a> Everyone needs a place where they can express their feelings with no repercussions.</div>Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14397878991075999602noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1511145207704997681.post-38937407258128277152011-08-29T07:28:00.000-07:002011-08-29T07:28:01.351-07:00Let it Go (Why My Kitchen is a Mess Right Now)I've <a href="http://changingmyoutlook.blogspot.com/2011/08/role-change-and-acceptance.html">mentioned that Steve and I had a major change in role</a>s before. This change is one of the hardest things for me to accept. For five years, I have had a method of keeping up with the housework that worked reasonably well. When I got up in the morning, I would neatly stack the dishes that were left on the counter over night (before we had a dishwasher) or put them in the dishwasher. If it was laundry day, I would dump a load of laundry in the washer. This was all done while my coffee was brewing.<br />
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I absolutely hate a messy kitchen. Actually, I hate any mess at all, but I've gotten over that as our family has grown. (Three boys are quite messy.) But, the kitchen is the worst. It's the first thing people see as they walk through our door. To me, it sets the tone of the house.<br />
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Since we've changed things around, Steve has complained each and every time I cleaned up the kitchen in the morning. This is now his job and he feels that by cleaning up, I am minimizing his worth in the house. I've never thought of it that way, I just wanted a clean kitchen.<br />
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This morning, our kitchen is particularly messy. I would take a picture, but I'm way too embarrassed. We spent much of yesterday lounging about and it shows. My first reaction was to start cleaning as soon as the boys were safely off to school. I had to force myself to walk away and accept that it would be done.<br />
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No one is coming to our house today. It is just Steve and I all day until we pick up the boys from daycare. If he wants to rest before cleaning up, I have to let him do so. Instead of cleaning, I came into my office/bedroom and shut the door. It is the complete reverse of shutting the door to our oldest boys bedroom because I don't want to see his mess! I'm shutting out the rest of the house.<br />
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I have to trust that it will get done when Steve feels up to it. And, I have to remember that my way is not always the only way. I'm considering creating a sign that says just that and placing it on the wall above my computer screen. Maybe that will help make it easier.Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14397878991075999602noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1511145207704997681.post-2770180221573606892011-08-26T07:18:00.000-07:002011-08-26T07:18:34.527-07:00Decision Fatigue -- They Put a Name On ItThis <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2011/08/21/magazine/do-you-suffer-from-decision-fatigue.html?_r=4&ref=magazine&pagewanted=all">article from the New York Times</a> finally put a name to what has become of my life. Decision fatigue is the biological effect that occurs when you spend your time making decision after decision. At some point, you finally have had enough and you either start making reckless decisions or not making any decisions at all.<br />
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I do both, but I seem to lean more toward making no decisions at all. In essence, I hide. I've been noticing the same behavior in Steve, too. We have spend so many years making big decisions -- should he have the surgery, should we move to be closer to family, should I continue my writing or should I start looking for another job -- that we are burned out.<br />
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The problem is, we haven't just stopped making big decisions, we've stopped making any decision at all. I spend a lot of time staring at my list of writing projects without starting any of them. I just can't decide what to write or how to start<br />
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When we do make decisions, we find ourselves considering the most reckless options. For example, my poor laptop is dying a slow agonizing death. I find myself spending a lot of time talking myself out of buying another one when we simply don't have the money for it right now. And, Steve supports this, he just wants to see me happy without placing any thought into it.<br />
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This is causing us to remain stagnant in our lives. We have become slugs with no purpose. Why, because we can't decide on a purpose and we don't want to think about it. We would rather stumble around <a href="http://www.stumbleupon.com/">StumbleUpon</a> (me) or lay on the sofa and watch terrible movies (Steve).<br />
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I'm not sure how to get out of the rut we are in. But, I now know what is going on and can address it. Maybe by starting very small. Today I'm going to work down my list of articles. Just start at the top and work my way down. No decisions, just work through the list.<br />
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Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14397878991075999602noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1511145207704997681.post-48552361079666235062011-08-24T07:07:00.000-07:002011-08-24T07:07:16.318-07:00RoutineFor the past three years, I have been spouting off that "I can't have a routine. It just doesn't work for us." What I really meant is I have to have a strict routine or no routine at all. And since I live with other people, a strict routine just doesn't work.<br />
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There are days when all Hell is going to break loose. There are days when it will take Steve forty-five minutes to get dressed and asking him to help get the kids out the door seems like cruel and unusual punishment. There are days when the kids are going to cooperate and be helpful and then there are days when they are not. As a writer, there are days that I can write 10 articles in a few hours and then there are days when I can't complete a single paragraph.<br />
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So, because my days didn't fit in a nice little OCD box, I gave up on routine. Allegedly preferring to "wing it." Well, winging it creates endless days with no motivation, no purpose and really awfully behaved children (and adults).<br />
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When Steve and I were talking about how to make our lives more purposeful and happy, one of the common themes was "We need some routines and traditions."<br />
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The week before last, I had sat down and planned my work days out so I knew what to do when. During our discussions, Steve and I looked at my work day and scheduled the chores and other things around my day. I made a list of the chores that needed to be done. It was eye-opening to realize that Steve had no idea when I cleaned the house. We also planned in time to play with the kids and downtime for each of us.<br />
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This week was the test run and things seem to be going well. We are still in the process of tweaking everything but everyone seems much happier. The kids have a clear idea of what is going to happen during the day. I get a reasonable amount of time to work and Steve gets time to rest when he needs it most. I can't believe how much a simple routine makes the day go better.Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14397878991075999602noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1511145207704997681.post-66475361241565059482011-08-23T07:27:00.000-07:002011-08-23T07:27:32.909-07:00Focus on the PositivesLast week was one of those weeks where everything just pissed me off. Steve had another medication reaction that made him sleepy and pretty much worthless. The kids were home from daycare because we didn't have the money to send them. Steve was paid his normal short term disability pay, but then a third of it was removed from our account without our knowledge.<br />
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Did I mention the kids were home from daycare? Yeah, that meant I couldn't work until after they went to bed. <br />
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Needless to say, I was a tired, cranky, unhappy person and quite the joy to be around. Most of the time I was either screaming, crying or just plain not talking. I'm pretty sure my family preferred the not talking.<br />
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My mood set off Steve's already foul mood -- he hates to be worthless and sleep all the time. The kids were cranky because Mommy and Daddy were fighting. It was horrible around here.<br />
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I tell you all of this because it made us realize something. Something we should have realized a long time ago. We can wallow in our misery. Hate God because he won't heal Steve's back. Hate everyone because they have it better than us. Or, we can focus on the good in life.<br />
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We may not have a lot of money right now, but we have enough to eat and a roof over our head. Steve may not be able to wrestle with the kids, but he can read to them and play games with them. I have the ability to do the work that I love, even if its at 2 am. Our kids are healthy, happy and interested in life.<br />
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No, our life is not going the way we expected it to. But, it's going the way it is supposed to. Steve and I have always said "Things happen exactly when they are supposed to." We just seem to have forgotten that. Now we are focusing on remembering.<br />
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We are also focusing on creating routines for our lives. We need them and they allow us to go through our day with purpose. Everyone needs purpose and direction. More on that topic tomorrow. For now, have a wonderful, purposeful day.Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14397878991075999602noreply@blogger.com0