Shortcuts to Make Life Easier

As Steve and I begin to feel our way through this new life, we have come to realize there are some changes that are necessary for us. I have already discussed our role changes, but we need more than that.

We have always kind of lived by the seat of our pants. We went to work, ate dinner and then did what we felt like. There was really no structure or rhythm to our days. We both had our personal schedules but, more often than not, they did not sync with the other person's. So, whoever was more adamant about his or her schedule won.

With Steve not driving and not being able to do a lot of the "heavy lifting" around the house, a more structured day is necessary. At first, we attempted to just switch schedules. I gave Steve my chore schedule and told him when laundry needed to be done. For my part, I tried to fit my work day in his 9-5 schedule. That bombed almost immediately, and we went back to relatively unstructured days. Everything suffered.

Yesterday, Steve planned a two hour trip without really consulting me. Oh, he told me about it, but it was more a "I may plan this trip" kind of conversation and it was never brought up again. Imagine my surprise when, on the way home from church, he said. "So, if we leave at 3, we should be home at a reasonable time." My day was completely shot.

One good thing came out of the trip -- we had two hours of uninterrupted (well, as uninterrupted as you can get with two kids in the car) time to talk. And, we were both in the mood to talk, not argue. As we talked, I brought up some of the time management skills I have learned by reading sites like Life As Mom and Money Saving Mom.

I mentioned the idea of running our household like a business. This is something I try to do anyway, with my budget and household "notebook", but I've never included Steve in the "business". He laughed initially, but then he thought about it and we decided to try it out.

We decided that we would sit down on Sunday nights or Monday mornings, at the latest and have a meeting. We would discuss what appointments we had personal goals for the coming week. That way we could determine how to get the time to fit everything in. We also quickly decided that there would be no more "unplanned" adventures. Little things could get added here or there through the week, but large trips, purchases and time sucks would have to wait until the following week.

We also decided to implement a morning and night routine. We already had one in place, somewhat, when it came to getting the kids ready for school in the morning and bed at night, but it was still slightly chaotic.  In the evening, all of the dishes are done, the kids get baths and all morning necessities including clothing, lunches and any money needed are assembled. In the mornings, Steve and I wake up in time to have a cup of coffee without the kids and then the kids are dressed and taken to school.

We put most of it into practice today, and things went well. I got a little upset because I couldn't find some stuff this morning, but that's another aspect of "Operation Household". Tonight, the house is neat, everyone is calm and things are ready for the morning. Steve is even sound asleep. Something that doesn't usually happen to the wee hours of the morning.

I'll let you know how we hold up. How do you manage your time? Any special tips?

Decision Fatigue -- They Put a Name On It

This article from the New York Times finally put a name to what has become of my life. Decision fatigue is the biological effect that occurs when you spend your time making decision after decision. At some point, you finally have had enough and you either start making reckless decisions or not making any decisions at all.

I do both, but I seem to lean more toward making no decisions at all. In essence, I hide. I've been noticing the same behavior in Steve, too. We have spend so many years making big decisions -- should he have the surgery, should we move to be closer to family, should I continue my writing or should I start looking for another job -- that we are burned out.

The problem is, we haven't just stopped making big decisions, we've stopped making any decision at all. I spend a lot of time staring at my list of writing projects without starting any of them. I just can't decide what to write or how to start

When we do make decisions, we find ourselves considering the most reckless options.  For example, my poor laptop is dying a slow agonizing death. I find myself spending a lot of time talking myself out of buying another one when we simply don't have the money for it right now. And, Steve supports this, he just wants to see me happy without placing any thought into it.

This is causing us to remain stagnant in our lives. We have become slugs with no purpose. Why, because we can't decide on a purpose and we don't want to think about it. We would rather stumble around StumbleUpon (me) or lay on the sofa and watch terrible movies (Steve).

I'm not sure how to get out of the rut we are in. But, I now know what is going on and can address it. Maybe by starting very small. Today I'm going to work down my list of articles. Just start at the top and work my way down. No decisions, just work through the list.

Routine

For the past three years, I have been spouting off that "I can't have a routine. It just doesn't work for us." What I really meant is I have to have a strict routine or no routine at all. And since I live with other people, a strict routine just doesn't work.

There are days when all Hell is going to break loose. There are days when it will take Steve forty-five minutes to get dressed and asking him to help get the kids out the door seems like cruel and unusual punishment. There are days when the kids are going to cooperate and be helpful and then there are days when they are not. As a writer, there are days that I can write 10 articles in a few hours and then there are days when I can't complete a single paragraph.

So, because my days didn't fit in a nice little OCD box, I gave up on routine. Allegedly preferring to "wing it." Well, winging it creates endless days with no motivation, no purpose and really awfully behaved children (and adults).

When Steve and I were talking about how to make our lives more purposeful and happy, one of the common themes was "We need some routines and traditions."

The week before last, I had sat down and planned my work days out so I knew what to do when.  During our discussions, Steve and I looked at my work day and scheduled the chores and other things around my day.  I made a list of the chores that needed to be done. It was eye-opening to realize that Steve had no idea when I cleaned the house. We also planned in time to play with the kids and downtime for each of us.

This week was the test run and things seem to be going well. We are still in the process of tweaking everything but everyone seems much happier. The kids have a clear idea of what is going to happen during the day. I get a reasonable amount of time to work and Steve gets time to rest when he needs it most.  I can't believe how much a simple routine makes the day go better.

Planning for theFuture

Yesterday I woke up with a horrible case of the flu. Now, the flu is not deadly (at least to a relatively healthy 37 year old woman), nor is it a long term illness. I feel much better today.  But, as I lay in bed under a big, heavy blanket even though it was 80 degrees outside, I thought about how we would handle things if something happened to me.

Three things occurred to me.

1. I can no longer take my health for granted.
2. We need to get start saving again.
3. We need to have a Will and Powers of Attorney written up.

We need me to be as healthy as I can be. If I would have a long term illness or injury, we would be sunk.  I should already know this, as I had a separated pelvis when I was pregnant with my last baby and spent three months in a wheelchair. But, somehow the birth of the baby has caused me to forget how awful it was.  This flu made me remember what it was like when both parents could not climb stairs, pick up children or even make dinner properly. I cannot take my health for granted anymore.

However, even perfectly healthy individuals are in car accidents, have heart attacks or sustain other life altering injuries. Steve was perfectly healthy before he tried to lift an air conditioner the wrong way. So, we should be prepared for the worst. That means having a decent savings account (although what I used to think was decent was sorely lacking) and having a Will and Powers of Attorney in place.

The money is easy to think about. I can come up with a budget and a plan for saving. The Will and Power of Attorney is a more difficult. No one ever likes to think about what would happen if you died tomorrow. But, we also have to decide who would help care for our children if I was unable to do it. As they get older, it will be easier for Steve to manage the day to day activities, but right now he would needs a ton of help. His mother lives with us, so it is not an immediate need, but we should have another person in line.

Have you thought about what would happen if you became unable to function? What plans have you put in place?